Poison's Bend: Chapter 5
Days passed into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. Pascal, Gideon, and I became a family, and for the most part, all the times were happy ones.
Except for one thing.
Despite our trying desperately to conceive, I had yet to become pregnant.
Gideon was wonderful. I loved him as my own son... mothered him and spoiled him shamelessly. I knew he loved me as a mother as well, and he did help to fill the void within me, but it wasn’t the same.
Caring for Gideon was a blessing, but I wanted to carry my own child within my womb... wanted to feel the movements within me... yes, even wanted to feel the pain of the bearing!
Pascal was calm and philosophical about the whole issue... almost to the point of irritation. “It will happen,” he told me soothingly, over and over again. “When the time is right, it will happen. Until then, there’s no need to worry, Aerin.”
It was so easy for him to say.
He already had a child.
Many times he had expressed his regret at our apparent inability to conceive, but it did not seem to affect his life. He had his studies... his novel... his son’s schoolwork... his work at the lab... his telescope… plenty of things to occupy his time.
What did I have?
Nothing but the burning desire to have a baby.
No, nothing else.
As time wore on, I began to find myself thinking that Pascal was doing something to keep himself from impregnating me. It made perfect sense to me that he wouldn’t want any more children. He was getting older, and his son was now a teenager and almost ready for college.
Deep down, I just knew my husband was thinking about a quiet retirement spent stargazing, writing novels, and enjoying his grown son's collegiate successes... not changing an infant's diapers, washing out spit-up, and potty training a toddler.
I knew the trouble did not lie with me. I had secretly been to a physician who assured me I had no such problems. Oui, I had even obtained a prescription for medications to increase my chances of conception! Yet month after weary month, the pregnancy I so desired did not occur.
Eventually, I became convinced that somehow, Pascal was making it so he would never give me a child.
Exactly how he was doing this, I had no idea... but he was a scientist.
He could be doing anything.
How I hated to think that way about my husband! For truly I loved Pascal... desperately loved him! More than anything, I wanted to have a child with his beautiful dark blue eyes, and it hurt me that he was denying me this!
It hurt me more than he could ever know!
Early in the summer following his senior year in high school, Gideon asked me to take him to visit the campus of La Fiesta Tech in order to help him make his final decision as to where to attend in the fall. Pascal wanted to go with his son, of course, but work called him away at the last minute.
He was a scientific researcher working in conjunction with the military these days, and when they called, he had to go... else risk facing time in the brig. So, I took Gideon myself, and relaxed in a coffee shop called The Cacti Cafe while my stepson toured the campus.
The shop was full, mostly with young people who were talking quietly over their books, papers, and cups of coffee. I ordered an espresso and looked around me, sighing. I would so much have loved to come here with my own child on a campus visit one day. I was honored that Gideon wanted me to come of course... but again, it wasn’t the same.
How I wanted a child, and how I resented my husband for preventing it!
Yet, what could I do?
As I sipped my coffee and discreetly watched the crowd, I noticed a young man who, in my eyes, certainly stood out among the rest of the students who were crammed into this shop. Oh yes, he definitely caught my interest!
He was obviously a romantic, not interested in commitment, young, sexy... virile...
Plus, I saw his eyes were exactly the same color as Pascal’s.
Oh, mais oui!
He was perfect.
To Be Continued...